The Thing About Parenting…

Hi all!

Homa Houshmand, here!

Mama, psychotherapist, lover of therapy memes, and founder of Positive Perspectives, a collective of mental wellness practitioners from Winnipeg, Manitoba that offer inclusive and diverse therapy services for 2SLGBTQQIA + BIPOC folx.

I want to start off by saying, “TWO THINGS CAN BE TRUE!” Now say it again for the people in the back!

If there’s one thing you can count on me saying in nearly every single session it’s the reminder of the great duality that exists in this world and within our minds and bodies. Two things can almost always be true.

I’ll be honest, I learned this for myself the hard way. The first time I truly experienced what this meant was May 2020. Not only was I about to marry the love of my life but I was also in deep grief and recovery after a traumatic pregnancy loss. 

When I look back at the handful of polaroids we took on our little covid wedding day, I see myself with the biggest and goofiest smile just grinning from ear to ear. That smile is so pure and genuine, I was truly over the moon. At the same time my heart was shattered and in deep grief over such a big loss.

Why am I sharing this such a personal story? It’s because I know I’m not the only one who has experienced moments like this. What do we do when we experience such extreme coexisting emotions?

Here’s a few tips I’ve found helpful!

1. Be mindful.

Mindfulness has become such a buzzword, I know, but there is real wisdom in practicing having a nonjudgmental awareness when uncomfortable emotions arise. And yes it’s a PRACTICE!

2. Be curious.

This really goes hand in had with mindfulness. We are so unbelievably quick to judge ourselves and our emotions. I always encourage experimenting with curiosity instead of judgement. “Huh, that’s an interesting thought/emotion/reaction” sounds like a much more compassionate inner dialogue than “why are you feeling that way? You SHOULD be feeling this way, idiot!” - doesn’t it?

3. Permission.

What we resist persists (another line you’ll often hear me say in session). If I tell you not to think about a black cat, what are you going to think about?… Exactly. When we try and force something out of our heads and resist the reality of what is happening in the moment it becomes quite futile. Whatever is happening in our bodies is already there so how can we maybe work with what’s coming rather than work against it? Giving those emotions permission to show up as they are, along with mindfulness and curiosity, can give your entire system a chance to settle, even just for a moment, before you make the next move.

My hope in sharing my story and these tips is that it normalizes any similar experiences you may have had and give you hope for a future where, despite having inevitable intense emotions show up, you are able to move with it rather than against it.

A friendly reminder that this isn’t therapy. If you are feeling like you may benefit from additional support in processing or better understanding what is coming up for you, please reach out.

If you are:
• feeling stuck in your identity as a woman or caregiver
• overwhelmed with your new roles as a parent
• curious to unpack parts of yourself as you move through life transitions
• experiencing grief, trauma, anxiety or depression

I am honoured to be able to bring these perspectives to my mental health and psychotherapy practice.

My inbox is always open for any comments, questions or suggestions on blog posts you’d like to see in the future! You can contact us at positive.info.wpg@gmail.com.

Chat with you more soon,

Homa Houshmand (She/her), MSc, CCC

Founder of Positive Perspectives